Dorothy A. Stevenson Getting up the nerve to talk to a pretty girl can be difficult. What’s even worse is knowing what to say once you’ve mustered the courage to approach her. What you say and do in the first 30 seconds to one minute of a conversation can open an opportunity with a woman or can kill your chances with her forever. It’s normal to get tongue-tied especially if you’re trying to talk to a girl who you think won’t give you the time of day.
For the most part, we men are familiar with two schools primary methods of approaching and talking to women. The “just be real” method and the “pick-up system” method. The first method suggests you start your first conversation by “just being real,” which means to tell a woman about who you are, what you do, where you come from, etc. But too often this can come across as if you’re interviewing for a job. Besides, everyone has a back story. Everyone was born someplace, has a mother and father, a has a job. Running down the core facts about your life won’t ignite that spark of attraction. Plus, once a woman is attracted to you, she’ll want to know all those things about you anyway.
Then there’s the “pick-up system,” that we all have buddies who swear by. The pick-up system began with inventing witty pick-up lines that these days are just cheesy and sometimes, downright creepy. But the old school pick up line mentality has been replaced with something a little more sophisticated these days. The ides is to invent an interesting scenario that allows you to ask her opinion on the matter, thereby engaging her in conversation. For example, you might tell a girl that your brother’s wife allows their daughter to wear makeup and short skirts at age 12. You then say something like, “I think that’s a little young. What do you think?”
The fundamental problem with this approach is that pick up systems are inherently deceitful. Great if you’re looking for a one-night-stand, but not so great if you’re truly looking for a girlfriend. You’ve already boxed yourself into a corner by concocting an untruth. If you have a second date, she will eventually uncover that you don’t even have a brother and she’s out the door.
So what you need is a great “icebreaker” – something that’s compelling and positive. The best topics are those that everyone can talk about, such as the popular celebrity news of the day. Women also love to hear about something that you are genuinely passionate about. Even if she doesn’t share the same interest, she’ll definitely be aware of the passion you exude and this will set you apart from other guys.
We put so much time and effort into so many aspects of dating. We make sure our hair is cool, our clothes are sharp. We plan just where we want to go. And yet we think so little about the things that really create attraction like the things we say and do with the other person.
If you play it safe and talk about your job, you’re going to lose out because you’re boring. And never make things up. Simply start a conversation about something interesting and topical and you just may find yourself in a nice conversation with a beautiful girl.
